Disclaimer: This is not a LGBTQ post.
Hello everyone! I am Handsome Hooter, and I sincerely apologize for inflicting Ashumi Shah on you for so long. I was busy hooting elsewhere, but now I am here, so do not fear! (On second thoughts, I guess you should be terrified)
Anyways, today I am in the mood for Ashumi bashing. I know, I always am, but today there is a lot of extra lau (love) that I am feeling for her. Don’t ask. I have been aware of her sorry existence for about 10 years now (yes I know- I accept all your sympathies), right from the time when she was ahighly irritating girl with two pony tails and a squeaky voice. Thankfully now the two ponytails have merged into one, and the squeakiness has disappeared- kind of. But there was this scary phase in between when there were no ponytails at all- but a brand new frikken "Tom Cruise" haircut (which girl gets it?!?! Even in 7th!!), with hideous glasses- now they're worse.
Now before you start thinking that I am too shallow (I am, but not that much)- let's get down to whole non physical appearance part of it. She likes to play those weird Counter Strike and GTA Something City games. I mean, I ain't a squeaky shrilly girl (I admit I owned Barbie dolls, and I beheaded them as well :D) but seriously? Computer games? Okay fine, forget that- she likes trance music. Please. I mean, plain music is good. But where are the words?! Alien this woman is.
Okay fine, for a moment let us not even consider that. Let's talk about her public behaviour. No decency this woman has. She will embarrass you at the most crucial moments, and ensures that your izzat ka falooda, halwa, dhokla, khaman is made. Now how can you excuse that?!
Let us keep all these defects of her aside for a moment. But you simply cannot ignore the fact that she is a Gujju. That I think, is like ignoring the fact that Hitler massacred millions of Jews (oh just by the way, she admires Hitler, go figure). She will harp about the fact that I love her mom's cooking and all that, but we are not dealing with food habits out here! We are dealing with the basic fact that she is a highly irritating, publicly embarrassing Gujju woman!
Ya ya, go ahead and call me racist. I have heard that a couple of times. But there is one final fact that I absolutely need to present in front of you before I take your leave (for time being). She is my support, defence, saviour, caretaker(I recently saw that aspect of her), only hope, and a lot many other things (yes, I run out of words only when I have to praise her). She is my bestest friend. ;) :D
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