Do The Castle!

What do I hoot about today? I am thoroughly confused. There is so much work to do(I am also known as the workaholic in certain circles), and here I am, thinking about what to hoot. After pestering the living daylights out of my pal, Ashumi, she got frustrated and told me to blog about Castle. As in THE Castle. For all those thick people who still didn’t understand: Rick Castle. (He really is ruggedly handsome, isn't he?)

Well, now what to blog about him? I started watching it when I was on a trip to the US, at my aunt and uncle's place. It was an interesting watch (better than watching the news channels dissect Charlie Sheen's each and every fart and sneeze; or Teen Mom), different than our desi CID. But I got hooked on to it only after returning to India, when, just out of curiosity, I asked my brother to get all the seasons for me (Brothers are so useful na?).

It is amazing- the entire series- the characters, the plot, the theme, everything! Yes, many of my friends say that it is such a wimpy show and that a cop show should be more serious, but c'mon! What is wrong in the light hearted setting? Nothing! And especially if you have a lead character like Castle.. well, almost all your crimes are forgiven ;) And then the way all the characters complement each other: Ryan and Esposito (do I resemble him in any manner? I don't think so), Castle and Beckett, Martha Rodgers and Alexis. Oh it was horribly sad when Captain Montgomery died, he was awesome too. But well, you can let a tv series rule your life by the end of the day, right?

You may disagree with me, but then I personally feel that there is a lot of substance in the show. A lot that you can learn from it. Not only about solving crimes :P but you know, stuff. Oh, now if you say oh yes about romance and all that jazz, I beg to differ. It is not a how-to on love, but it is a how- to when it comes down to many real life situations. More like family stuff. Yes, it most definitely is unrealistic at times (especially when Castle defuses a bomb by pulling out all the wires- I have seen enough hindi movies to know it is always one wire: the red, the green or the black), but then all the silliness is a part of the show's charm, innit?

You know what? I think I'll stop writing now. I am definitely overworked. :P

Let's welcome Handsome Hooter! (finally!!)

Dear Handsome Hooter... thank you for those stupendously kind words of welcome. I feel just a little bit more of a piss off now (thanks to you) and I shall pledge to harass you further. To our general not-so-wide audience- let's welcome the Handsome Hooter with a loud round of applause!! *hoot hoot*.

To some of you confused souls, she and I were in school together and we plan to be at each other's throats till we die (or be the cause of death).

Now to come to the public appraisal I have received at her hands. Ahem. Gujju eh? You should be one to talk. Let's make this fact clear that SHE just so happens to be a MAARWARI. But considering that fact that I am not racist AT ALL; I'll completely overlook that fact and still continue to annoy her (that's what best friends do! I mean- come on!!) And hey, you do love my mom's food. :P

Anyway, getting to the latest hoot for the day, my brother is in town. *screams her head off* I miss him all round the year when he is away doing his MBA and the minute he comes, we just HAVE TO fight. Today, it was regarding who listens to more music (completely pointless argument in my opinion. But hey! boys will be boys!) Finally, we stopped fighting about that only when mom entered with a plate of frankie (I can totally imagine Handsome Hooter's mouth watering) in our room. That's when we started fighting about the frankie!

I guess siblings, no matter what age; will NEVER grow up. And believe it or not, I'm loving it! (This is not an advert for McDonalds- sorry to disappoint you folks!)

Also, now that we are talking about growing up, I am turning a year older in about 2 weeks and 3 days. I know it sucks and I have some totally laidback plans for that day which I shall hoot about later. On second thoughts, maybe I shouldn't because it would be totally inappropriate. I don't know, let's see.


Oh dang it! If I won't, my best friend WILL hoot about it. So you guys better show up for some spice then! :D

The Love That I have For Her

Disclaimer: This is not a LGBTQ post.

Hello everyone! I am Handsome Hooter, and I sincerely apologize for inflicting Ashumi Shah on you for so long. I was busy hooting elsewhere, but now I am here, so do not fear! (On second thoughts, I guess you should be terrified)

Anyways, today I am in the mood for Ashumi bashing. I know, I always am, but today there is a lot of extra lau (love) that I am feeling for her. Don’t ask. I have been aware of her sorry existence for about 10 years now (yes I know- I accept all your sympathies), right from the time when she was ahighly irritating girl with two pony tails and a squeaky voice. Thankfully now the two ponytails have merged into one, and the squeakiness has disappeared- kind of. But there was this scary phase in between when there were no ponytails at all- but a brand new frikken "Tom Cruise" haircut (which girl gets it?!?! Even in 7th!!), with hideous glasses- now they're worse.

Now before you start thinking that I am too shallow (I am, but not that much)- let's get down to whole non physical appearance part of it. She likes to play those weird Counter Strike and GTA Something City games. I mean, I ain't a squeaky shrilly girl (I admit I owned Barbie dolls, and I beheaded them as well :D) but seriously? Computer games? Okay fine, forget that- she likes trance music. Please. I mean, plain music is good. But where are the words?! Alien this woman is.

Okay fine, for a moment let us not even consider that. Let's talk about her public behaviour. No decency this woman has. She will embarrass you at the most crucial moments, and ensures that your izzat ka falooda, halwa, dhokla, khaman is made. Now how can you excuse that?!

Let us keep all these defects of her aside for a moment. But you simply cannot ignore the fact that she is a Gujju. That I think, is like ignoring the fact that Hitler massacred millions of Jews (oh just by the way, she admires Hitler, go figure). She will harp about the fact that I love her mom's cooking and all that, but we are not dealing with food habits out here! We are dealing with the basic fact that she is a highly irritating, publicly embarrassing Gujju woman!

Ya ya, go ahead and call me racist. I have heard that a couple of times. But there is one final fact that I absolutely need to present in front of you before I take your leave (for time being). She is my support, defence, saviour, caretaker(I recently saw that aspect of her), only hope, and a lot many other things (yes, I run out of words only when I have to praise her). She is my bestest friend. ;) :D

Distance and absence? Pssh!

"Distance makes the heart grow fonder.."
How many of us believe that this is true? Many of us maybe thinking, "Oh hell ya! Ever since I've stopped meeting XYZ, I miss him/her more..."

I agree, memory can sometimes be a bi**h. But do we really want to erase some people off our lives and heads completely? Then what about those important life lessons that we have learned from their departure? Do you really want to fall in love with the wrong person and make the same mistake all over again? (Oh please! Just admit it- we are all really stupid in love).

I guess not. Sure, you are the best thing that ever happened to them and if they really cared, they wouldn't let you go in the first place.

But now when I think about "Distance making the heart grow fonder", isn't the saying, "Out of sight; out of mind" also true?

For over millions of times a day, we will ask our best friend, "Why hasn't he/she called or texted yet?"
How about this for an answer- "I am a fu**ing engineering/psychology/commerce student, not a GODDAMN PSYCHIC! If I'm granted telepathic powers, I shall let you know!"

If you want to be remembered by someone, show your cool, sassy, studly, Johnny Bravo types sexy style. Not the freaky one where you are contemplating the various reasons as to why they haven't called yet (which by the way, includes absolute rubbish like 'oh they must have spilled some orange juice on themselves and their phone was in their pocket so it's not working and his jerk-of-a-friend won't let him use his). That just doesn't happen. Instead, you could pick up the phone and call them. Believe me, it's O-K-A-Y to do so.

But hey- if a guy is too good to be true... he probably is! ;)

8th Grade Is Back!

Birthday's suck. Let's face it- beyond all the partying and gifts, you are dejected that one year has gone by. My birthday happens to be in about 3 weeks time and I'm totally depressed so to say the least. I had never wanted to grow a day older than 16. Imagine not going to school and no canteen food and harassing teachers and not having your friends tease you with the most puke-worthy looking guy in your foyer! (Okay, let's cut out the teasing part) It's so unreal.

In college, we are nothing more than just a damn roll number and that really drives me insane. Sleeping with a teddy bear is totally uncool. But there's always a twist... you can never be too old for 'crushes' :D

Even today, I'm teased with an old school friend simply because I text him everyday. And life, being the usual bi*** forgets to add the '* conditions apply' sign with the teasing. Talking to that person becomes awkward and how about the fact that when you DO talk.. your mutual friends scream and ask you to 'get a room'. Apart from this usual bull crap, you eventually start contemplating how you both shall look as a pair and how funny your name sounds along with theirs. It's okay if you get the *yikes* feeling but you know you are in double trouble when you get the *aah-it's-not-so-bad* feeling. Once that happens you can't help but notice the things they do and categorize them as "I-like-it-it's-so-sweet" or "that's-not-good-I-shall-change-it". Believe it or not, you are in 8th grade all over again and you might as well enjoy it while you can.

But let's not forget one thing- if it were meant to feel good, they wouldn't call it a 'crush'. :)

And I Want To Thank You...

More often than not, we have those shitty moments in life where we end up hurting our best of friends intentionally and then feel bad about it. Do we apologize instantly? Of course not. I have often wondered that how when it comes to sharing any kind of news, we do not hesitate for a second to tell them but when it comes to saying things like 'sorry' or 'thank you', we run the scenario in our heads again and again and yet again.

My best friend, Handsome Hooter, once really drove me to the brink with some of her actions. I am pretty sure that she thought about it a million times a day and by the end of it, wrote down a popular song that fit the situation and sent it to me by mail. She sent it to me at a time she knew I'd be sleeping and so I'd wake up with a fresh mind and read. I instantly felt better after doing so. It's true that life is short and not very easy.. but to make it worthwhile is sure as hell in your very own hands. If you have an upset friend or family, you could probably use this and brighten their day.


My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why
I got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window
And I can't see at all

And even if I could it'd all be gray
But your picture on my wall
It reminds me that it's not so bad
It's not so bad

I drank too much last night, got bills to pay
My head just feels in pain
I missed the bus and there'll be hell today
I'm late for work again

And even if I'm there, they'll all imply
That I might not last the day
And then you call me and it's not so bad
It's not so bad

And I want to thank you
For giving me the best day of my life
And, oh, just to be with you
Is having the best day of my life

Push the door, I'm home at last
And I'm soaking through and through
And then you handed me a towel
And all I see is you

And even if my house falls down now
I wouldn't have a clue
Because you're near me

And I want to thank you
For giving me the best day of my life
And, oh, just to be with you
Is having the best day of my life

And I want to thank you
For giving me the best day of my life
And, oh, just to be with you
Is having the best day of my life


Of course, after reading it, I was all soppy and forgivey but I also decided that sometimes, when we make mistakes... especially the ones which are difficult to forget... you often have to start with the hardest thing- forgiving yourself.
You all have a charming heart. Use it well :)

Let's kill em piss-offs!

I was nine years old when I first saw my brother play counter strike. All he did in the game was kill people. It annoyed me as hell because we had just one desktop and he was at it for hours a day and I wouldn't get to sit on the PC.

One fine day, when he was out, I decided to see what the fuss about killing people was all about. I started playing and 5 hours later I realized what genius' the makers of this game were!!

From that day till now, I've practically killed of some few bi***es from school/college/my exes/publishers who didn't like my work. And I shit-you-not, it's frikken awesome!! :D The whole load of crap about violent games make you short tempered is utter rubbish. In fact if anything, games like GTA Vice City and Counter Strike relieve you.

Let me give you an example... I was at a party recently- minding my own business and eating the food in my plate. A typically skinny Barbie type chick was in the seat opposite mine pushing her food (I'm not sure if cabbage qualifies as food) around her plate. She looked at me as if asking me how could I live with myself (for some of you ignorant jacka**es, I weigh between 60-65, I guess). That very day, as soon as I got home, I killed her in-game about 60 times. That was my way of telling her... "Admit it you bi**h, food is better".

So all you overweight/useless/bossy/jobless people in the world; consider this as a message encouraging you to do what you want to in case that 'someday' never comes. Also, do not forget to kill off your bosses/exes/profs etc. (Advice to those playing GTA- the chainsaw weapon is awesome for some serious anger management :D). Go break a leg- literally :)

Also, take this as a warning and just buy the CD of these games if you are going to a party with essentially anorexic pretty-miss-stilletoes who only eat leaves kind of people- trust me, you need it unless you are one of them. :P


While typing this I'm wondering if Half-Life and Rockstar Games should pay me for the publicity ;)

The Checklist

I wouldn't be who I am today if it weren't for The Checklist. Now you might ask me what The Checklist is, even when most of us have already prepared it.
During our not-so-happy college years, let's face it- we essentially meet people who can be segregated into the species of assholes and non-assholes. I guess we all know which ones we notice more (no prizes for guessing). And believe it or not, I actually went out with them *a shiver runs down my spine*. Looking back at those moments, we actually begin to think, "Okay now WTF was I thinking?!?!"
As you start moving on from asshole to asshole, The Checklist is formulated. I am going to quote Russell Peters here, "The stereotypes are already there. I just see them". The assholes are already there... and as we begin discovering new breeds of those, we mentally run their qualities through the list simply hoping that it's least checked!

You know the best (and worst) part about this exercise? Talking to your best friend about it- Because then... the questioning starts. Let's just imagine that you have called up our BFF and are telling them about *the* guy (yes, you feel that almost every other guy is the guy). Here is what the conversation generally goes like:

You- Guess what? I met this dude in the college called Tim (that's the yuckiest name I could come up with..) and I think that I have a mini-crush on him...


BFF- What does he look like?

You- kinda cute...

*If you notice yourself in the mirror at this point of time, you shall realise how starry eyed and officially puke-worthy you look.*

BFF- What's he like?

You- Oh he's a COMPLETE gentleman!! He kept the door open for me and paid for my coffee and was soooooooooooooooooooooo nice.

*This is when you start wondering what other nice things he did and actually fill up a balloon with them*

BFF- Really?! Are you sure he's not like the previous ones you met?

You- Ummm...

*NOW you mentally start running through The Checklist. Is he gay/waiter/jailbird/multiple-piercings/stalker/miser/knows *ahem* a lot of tongues of the world/computer nerd? Pop! Balloon burst...*

BFF- Say naa??

You-Uhhhhh.


Yeah. That's what I thought. Good Luck figuring out The Checklist people! :D